How one woman chose to become a voice for people with infertility

Walk of Hope: A Personal Reflection

By Tonya Neufeld
Published in the Fall 2011 issue of Resolve for the journey and beyond

Tonya was the nation’s top fundraiser in RESOLVE’s 2011 Home Town Walk of Hope Challenge.  She won a trip to Georgia to participate in the Atlanta Walk of Hope. 

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. It has been my goal for as long as I can remember. When my husband, Ryan and I decided, after being married for a couple of years, to start trying for a family, we were both so excited. We both thought I would get pregnant right away, and our family would grow just like we had planned. As the months went by and nothing happened, I started to get worried. I think part of me knew that something was wrong, but I was trying my hardest to ignore it.

When we finally decided to go to the doctor, we were both so scared. When we found out our diagnosis, we were in shock. We were told that I have diminished ovarian reserve that will turn into premature ovarian failure. The doctor told us that I could expect to go through menopause in my mid 30’s. He also told us that our options for having a child were either adoption or in vitro fertilization with a donor egg. Now, I should mention that I was only 28 years old when I received this diagnosis just six months ago. Being told that I could not use my own eggs to have a baby was absolutely the most devastating news that we had heard. We were heartbroken. 

I tell people that infertility is a grieving process, and during those first few months after my diagnosis I was an emotional mess. The unfortunate thing about infertility is that life goes on around us. I felt like my life had just been turned upside down, and it had, but I still had responsibilities. I was going to school during that time and was expected to write papers and do homework. I found it incredibility hard to think about anything other than infertility, so I decided to use what I was going through and write a paper about the emotional effects of infertility on a couple. I think that paper was a bit of a turning point for me.

During my research for that paper, I came across RESOLVE, and I truly feel like they changed my life. I became obsessed with RESOLVE’s website and was on there everyday. I kept seeing the information for the Walk of Hope, and one day I just clicked on it. I read about it and this intense desire came over me. I had to do this. I had to raise money for infertility. I had to get the word out that this was a disease. I had to raise awareness. And I had to win that trip to Atlanta!

At that point, there were some people who knew about our diagnosis, but if we were going to raise money we needed to tell everyone we knew. I talked to Ryan about it and he supported me 100%. We both really felt that people need to know about this, and neither one of us were ashamed or embarrassed to talk about our infertility. I had done so much research on infertility, and I knew that there are many people that struggle in silence. I felt like I wanted to be a voice for those people. I created my team for the Walk of Hope, personalized my webpage, sent out emails and posted it to Facebook.

The support we received was absolutely amazing. People just donated. Some people left us wonderful comments with their donation and some people didn’t, but they were all so generous. We are so thankful for every cent that was donated. Getting the opportunity to go to Atlanta and then to give a short speech at the Walk of Hope was amazing. Speaking out about our infertility has been a tremendously positive experience for me. I feel like it gave my life a different purpose. I refuse to let my infertility dictate my life. I am going to use my experiences to raise awareness for all the millions of couples who struggle with infertility every single day.

Being involved with RESOLVE and the Walk of Hope really inspired me, and I started a blog. So far I have only received a positive response. I feel so much hope for our future. It may not be going exactly the way I planned it, but I feel like I have been able to take a very hard situation and turn it into something that can help others.

Tonya Neufeld raised awareness and more than $2,000 for RESOLVE’s Your Hometown Walk of Hope.  As the top fundraiser, Tonya won a trip to participate in the 2011 Atlanta Walk of Hope.  Tonya and her husband Ryan continue their family building journey which Tonya writes about on her blog, www.ababywouldbeeggs-cellent.blogspot.com